Meanwhile back in Lanka, rumors among the common asuras flew around town like wildfire. Some believed in their king's purity, preaching, "Ravana wouldn't steal a woman without her will. She must be shy." However, others questioned his intentions, asking, "Would Ravana really steal another man's woman? Why else would she be so standoffish to her new kingdom?" They couldn't imagine any other reason why a woman of such beauty would be so ungrateful. Queens wouldn't deny the gifts from her people, especially at the introduction celebration. Unfortunately, the citizens had to make assumptions about Sita as Ravana never exposed his truths except to a selective few, whom he knew wouldn't turn on him.
As time went on, day after day, Sita grew lonely and increasingly exasperated at her situation. She wondered and wished for the day that Rama would arrive for her rescue. Suddenly, Ravana entered shouting, "Well, you miserable woman, have you decided who your true prince charming is?"
She responded without hesitation, "My beloved Rama is searching for me, and when he arrives you will be sorry."
This angered Ravana and he responded in rage, "You foolish woman, it will be you who are sorry!" Then Ravana stormed out. Every day after this encounter, Ravana came to visit Sita, making threats towards her and Rama. His threats promised Sita that he was going to destroy Rama. When Ravana wasn't near, Sita pleaded with the rakshasis who were guarding her. The rakshasis, unfortunately, remained loyal to Ravana despite feeling sorry for Sita when they looked at her.
Meanwhile, Mandodari, Ravana's first wife, tried to figure out Sita's past and her intentions for the future. However, Ravana kept a good secret! Just when Mandodari was losing hope, Hanuman arrived in Lanka seeking the site of Sita and to inform Ravana that Rama was coming for him. Once Mandodari heard the news, she decided to make a visit to where Sita was residing. In the middle of the night, Mandodari sneaks to Ashoka Vana unnoticed. She startles Sita and tells her about Hanuman's arrival in Lanka.
Mandodari says to Sita, "My husband Ravana told me that he found you injured and saved you. I do not understand why you are acting so ungrateful. Do you know who Hanuman is?"
To the surprise of Mandodari, Sita already knew of Hanuman's presence as he has already visited her, and Sita responds, "I was not saved by Ravana. He kidnapped me! Hanuman is here to tell Ravana that my husband, Rama, is on his way to rescue me."
Mandodari, in tears, leaves Sita after hearing the truth about Ravana. She also fears the safety of her city.
Furthermore, while Mandodari was away, Hanuman was making his exit known in Lanka by burning the capitol to ashes.
Author's note: I chose this story because I am hoping I could put it into my Portfolio to give an event about the great character, Sita. Ravana kidnapped Sita, and she is shown as a damsel in distress. I want to highlight what Sita could be doing while waiting on Rama that could be of some assistance when he arrives to rescue her. I, also, imagined Mandodori, Ravana's wife, as being curious about the threat of her position as Ravana's favorite wife by Sita's arrival in Lanka. This is why I wrote about Mandodari coming to Sita to figure out her intentions. However, Mandodori thought she was waiting on Ravana to decide if Sita was going to be his new wife. Furthermore, little to Mandodori's knowledge, Sita wanted nothing to do with Ravana, and was desperate to return to her husband, Rama. The pure avatar of a goddess never posed a threat to Mandodori or the asuras. She just wanted Rama. Ravana was the one that was holding her against her own will. However, he was telling Mandodari a lie to make her position feel threatened. I chose this image because at the end of the story Hanuman had already visited Sita, and during this visit Hanuman gave Sita a gift of good faith from Rama, his golden ring. The token of love is what gave Sita the courage to tell Mandodari what was really happening with Ravana.
- Narayan, R. K. (1972) The Ramayana.
My overall impression of your work was a favorable one. Including the description of the physical setting as opposed to a quick mentioning would, in my opinion, bring readers into the place in which your story takes place. I have found this to be a vital aspect for me to ‘buy in’ to the stories thus far in our class. Also, I ran across a few small grammatical errors. Maybe a more thorough read-over would aid you here for stories to come? The title, introduction and conclusion all flowed seamlessly. I think that if this fable were to be included in the storybook assignment it would be better served by expanding upon the thought processes and dialogues of the female characters such as Mandodari. This would offer more of what they truly experienced as the plot unfolded. What I perceived as the reader was that these female characters were afforded more attention, but their characters themselves weren’t more developed. I did enjoy the story. I think you did a masterful with the writing; however, I think you could add more ‘character’ to the characters.
ReplyDeleteRachelle, I really enjoyed your adaptation to this part of The Ramayana. I love how you introduced Sita in the beginning, explaining what happened and how she did not want to with Ravana. I liked the dynamic between Ravana and Sita, as well as how you developed Sita throughout the story. I especially liked that you chose to write the story of what Sita was dealing with after Ravana took her from Rama. I think you chose a really simple title, which interested me but didn't give me much to go off of on what this story would be about. I think more dialogue could have been included in this story to liven up the characters a bit more and make them seem "real." But overall, I thought this was very well-written.
ReplyDeleteRachelle, I am very impressed with your work. I thought you did an interesting job of describing the events and feelings, while making your story concise and direct. It very much felt like a summary and a retelling at the same time. The title very much reflected your story. It was simple, yet informative. Great job! Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteHi, Rachelle! I thought your story was good. I liked that you focused on what Sita was going through in Lanka while Rama was looking for her. There was very little in the original story about Sita's experience so it was good to see more details. I like that you started with the introduction of Sita to Rama's other wives and mistresses. I also liked that you included the confusion and disagreements between Ravana's wives as well as the citizens because of the differences between Ravana's story and Sita's behavior after he brought her to Lanka.
ReplyDeleteThe story was very easy to read and flowed very well. The story was easy to follow and set up very well. You did great with the pacing as well.
I did notice a few grammar and punctuation errors when doing my read through. For example, in the third paragraph, in the sentence starting "His threats promised Sita..." there should be a comma after Rama. There are a couple other similar punctuation errors. If you do put this story in your storybook, I would recommend developing the characters and setting a little more.
Overall, this was a good story, and I really enjoyed reading it! Great job!
Rachelle, hello! This was a really good story. I think you did a great job giving life to Lanka. We didn't read a lot about its inhabitants in the book, so it was cool to read your idea of what they would be like and the kinds of things they would say, specifically how they feel about their demon king. Your elaboration on this part of the book was imaginative, and you used a lot of great detail to give shape to your interpretation of the characters. I also like the image you used; it goes well with the content of the story.
ReplyDeleteI think this would be a great story for a storybook project about women characters. If you are looking to change things in it, I would look at putting everything into one tense, probably the past. It sometimes switches from present to past, and it would be a little easier to read if it was all the same.
Rachelle, I really enjoyed reading this story with the details about Sita’s experiences in Lanka. The background was woven into the rest of the story so if someone randomly reads this page, they would have a good grasp of the characters and their situations. I like how you use lots of descriptive words to create vivid images in the reader’s mind. Also, the inclusion of the Ravana’s wife and mistresses was great to show the disconnect between Sita’s reality and Ravana’s lies.
ReplyDeleteI think this would be a great story to include in your storybook. I would add more about the interaction between Sita and Mandodari. Also, maybe flesh out Hanuman’s role in the overall storyline and include more details about him. The picture went well with the story. My other suggestion would be to make sure that all your verb tenses are the same throughout the story. Overall, a great tale!
Rachelle,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your adaptation of the events in Lanka. I love that the focus is on Sita and even Mandodari. I felt like the female characters in The Ramayana were never given the credit they deserve for playing such vital roles within the story. The addition of a big celebration to announce the arrival of Sita was great. The fact that Ravana's people begin to question Sita's behavior and suspect that something is awry makes the story even more interesting.
Overall, I did not see many grammatical errors. Be careful with verb tenses and avoid changing them back and forth. The paragraphs are spaced very well, which makes it easy to read. I wish there was more dialogue included in the story as well, to give the reader more insight to the feelings of each character.
I truly enjoyed this story and I look forward to reading the others in your portfolio. Great job!
Hello Rachelle,
ReplyDeleteThis story was really good. I enjoyed some of the minor changes that you introduced in your story. I liked how you decided to focus on Sita’s situation throughout the entire story. This is one of the most important parts in the Ramayana, and I always see students become so creative when they retell this part of the story. Your version was told very well and it flowed perfectly.
I enjoyed how you talked about Mandodari a little early in the story to get her side of the story she thinks she is hearing from Ravana. Sita ends up telling the truth, which upsets Mandodari. Lastly, I enjoyed how you addition the celebration of Sita’s arrival into the story. This made it to where the people would question Sita’s behavior as she was rejecting all of her gifts from Ravana. Great story! I am looking forward to reading more from you.
Hi Rachelle!
ReplyDeleteThe first story that I read was the one about Ravana capturing Sita. I loved this story so much. I think that you did a great job of portraying Sita and Ravana’s characters the way that they truly are. I love that people were questioning Ravana’s actions and intentions. I felt so bad for Sita in this situation. Ravana is crazy for thinking that Sita would change her mind about him. I think that you did a great job in writing this story. I can’t think of anything to critique about it. Your author’s note was very detailed and you did a great job explaining your story in it.
The next story that I read was The Beauty and the God. I did not remember reading this story before, so I enjoyed it a lot. I think that you did a great job in writing this story, as well. The only suggestion I have is to maybe add some dialogue. I think that would make the story a little better.
Overall, I enjoyed reading these stories in your portfolio and I can’t wait to read more!
Rachelle,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your story! It was interesting to read what Sita was doing as she waited for Rama's rescue. Did Ravana actually think she would be happy he kidnapped her? I don't think that would be anyone's reaction to their own kidnapping! I found it interesting that you also wrote about Mandorori's perspective. She had to have been questioning why Ravana had picked a new wife, and why she was so ungrateful. She had to go through as much pain as Sita. She also had found out that she had been taken from the man she loved, in one way or another. Although Sita is usually referred to as a "damsel in distress" I think you did a good job of making her sound strong. She stood up to Ravana even against his threats. My only suggestion would be to read your story around (advice I also rarely follow). Other than that I think this was a good story!
Hello Rachelle,
ReplyDeleteThis is one of my favorite stories I have read so far! I liked this scene from the book and the way you rewrote sounds so much more tense. When I read the original book, this story wasn't that big of an event for me, but reading your story made it sound like a major event. I like how you included Mandodari. The book did not give so much about Mandodari on how she felt when Sita was captured.
You are a good writer. I love the great amount of details you added to the story because you just made it more dramatic by adding the view of Mandodari. I could not find any grammatical error and the flow was great! I enjoyed reading your Author's note because you let the readers know the changes you made and the things you added to the story. I also like the picture you inserted because Hanuman is my favorite character.
Can't wait to read more stories from your portfolio!
Rachelle,
ReplyDeleteThe part that really stood out to me from your story was the inclusion of Ravana's kingdom and whether or not they believed that Sita was brought of her own free will. So many aspects of the story can be lost because we are caught up in the actual abduction of Sita. We would never really think of the fact that Ravana is still a well-respected king to his people. The fact that some believed in what he said and other were skeptical was a really nice touch. It gave a realistic feel to the story. I think it would have been cool if you had expanded even more on the public opinion of the people.
"Ashoka Vana is a pleasure garden;" - this should be past tense since the rest of your story is in the past tense.
"Mandodari sneaks to Ashoka Vana unnoticed. She startles Sita and tells her about Hanuman's arrival in Lanka." - should be past tense
"Mandodari says to Sita..." - should be past tense
The last part of your story needs to be switch the the past tense. Or the first half needs to be changed to the present tense. Either way, there should only be one verb tense!